INFERTILITY WARRIOR Blog: Top 6 things NOT to say to a woman trying to conceive

More than 6 million Americans are affected by infertility. Their pain is similar to the grief of losing a loved one, but this grief reoccurs month after month, sometimes year after year. Infertility is a tough enough rollercoaster ride without hurtful comments. Here is what NOT to say:

1. "Just Relax.”

It minimizes a diagnosable medical problem. These type of comments add to their stress. Would you tell someone with cancer to just relax? I didn’t think so.

2. “Enjoy being able to travel, sleep late, have free time, etc.”

Don’t minimize their pain. Being able sleep late does not provide comfort to someone who has always dreamed of being a parent. Your hectic life making memories sounds pretty good compared to an empty house wondering if you will ever be a part of “first steps”, soccer games, watching your child graduate. Would you tell someone who just lost their home how lucky they are now that they don’t have a lawn to mow?

3. “Maybe you aren’t meant to be a mom/dad.”

Do you notice all the abusive, neglectful, drug-addicted parents out there? Do they ‘deserve’ to be parents??? Enough said.

4. Why don’t you just adopt?”

Do you ask this of ‘fertile” couples? Why not? Many people dream of having a child that is biologically related to them, to experience pregnancy, and birth. Many infertiles become parents by adoption, but adoption is not easy or inexpensive. It is it’s own difficult journey.

5. “You should try In-Vitro, my naturopath, supplements, etc.”

Infertility is a complicated problem to diagnose and you probably do not know all the facts. Don’t play doctor and don’t give unsolicited advice. Anyone dealing with infertility has seriously considered or tried IVF, if they can afford it. In-Vitro Fertilization is very costly. If you are under 40 your chances for success are around 25% at a cost of at least $12,000 a try. Maybe for medical reasons they cannot pursue IVF. Alternative health practices may work for you and you can mention it, but don’t push it. You have no idea how much they have researched and tried to figure out what will work for their situation. It is disrespectful to push your treatment plan.

6. “Being pregnant isn’t fun”

If you are pregnant, do not complain about your pregnancy to someone struggling to have a baby. Leave these complaints for others that have children. It is painful enough to be infertile and be surrounded by women that easily get pregnant, to watch their bellies grow. Your infertile friend would give and do ANYTHING to feel your discomfort, weight gain, etc.

To learn more about infertility, what to say and how to support people struggling to become parents go to www.lifemedals.com/infertility-help

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