INFERTILITY WARRIOR Blog

OK, so we talked about what not to say, but what can one say to a woman struggling with infertility? Due to the sexual nature of infertility there is a shame and stigma attached to this life and medical crisis.  Bringing awareness is key to changing the way people feel about and react to the issue of infertility. 

1.      "Just Relax.”

It minimizes a diagnosable medical problem. These type of comments add to their stress.  Would you tell someone with cancer to just relax?  I didn’t think so.

2.    “Enjoy being able to travel, sleep late, have free time, etc.”

Don’t minimize their pain. Being able sleep late does not provide comfort to someone who has always dreamed of being a parent.  Your hectic life making memories sounds pretty good compared to an empty house wondering if you will ever be a part of “first steps”, soccer games, watching your child graduate.  Would you tell someone who just lost their home how lucky they are now that they don’t have a lawn to mow?

3.      “Maybe you aren’t meant to be a mom/dad.”

Do you notice all the abusive, neglectful, drug-addicted parents out there?  Do they ‘deserve’ to be parents???  Enough said.

4.      Why don’t you just adopt?”

Do you ask this of ‘fertile” couples?  Why not?  Many people dream of having a child that is biologically related to them, to experience pregnancy, and birth.  Many infertiles become parents by adoption, but adoption is not easy or inexpensive. It is it’s own difficult journey.

5.      “You should try In-Vitro, my naturopath, supplements, etc.”

Infertility is a complicated problem to diagnose and you probably do not know all the facts. Don’t play doctor and don’t give unsolicited advice.  Anyone dealing with infertility has seriously considered or tried IVF, if they can afford it.  In-Vitro Fertilization is very costly.  If you are under 40 your chances for success are around 25% at a cost of at least $12,000 a try.  Maybe for medical reasons they cannot pursue IVF.  Alternative health practices may work for you and you can mention it, but don’t push it.  You have no idea how much they have researched and tried to figure out what will work for their situation. It is disrespectful to push your treatment plan.

6.      “Being pregnant isn’t fun”

If you are pregnant, do not complain about your pregnancy to someone struggling to have a baby.  Leave these complaints for others that have children.  It is painful enough to be infertile and be surrounded by women that easily get pregnant, to watch their bellies grow. Your infertile friend would give and do ANYTHING to feel your discomfort, weight gain, etc. 

To learn more about infertility, what to say and how to support people struggling to become parents go to www.lifemedals.com/infertility-help 

www.lifemedals.com  -  www.lifemedals.com/product01-fertility-hope

Posted by Infertility Warrior at 08:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBacks (1)

What a fascinating book "Everything Conceivable" by Liza Mundy is for anyone that has been involved with Assisted Reproductive Technology (A.R.T.)  The subtitle is How Assisted Reproduction is Changing Our World.

This book takes you on a tour of the beginnings of ART - first documented in the late 1800's with a woman unknowingly was artificially inseminated by a doctor (and intern donor) after the woman's husband admitted he was sterile due to a venereal disease he had contracted.  Apparently to her dying day she thought that the baby she had was biologically her husbands - yikes! 

Thankfully we women are super empowered these days with technology and information.  Why the pioneers of In Vitro were not given a Nobel Peace Prize is unbelievable to me after I read just how difficult this procedure was to figure out - both retrieving the eggs and perfecting a culture for the embryos to thrive in. 

She not only talks about the technology, but also about the ethical considerations and real life perspectives.  I loved that she brought up the fact that many celebrity moms that are "older" and who benefit from the publicity of their pregnancy and newborn(s) usually leave out the pesky detail of having had help from IVF and/or donor eggs.  It is a real problem that perpetuates the notion that women in their mid to late 40's are using their own eggs to have babies - overwhelmingly they are not.

The book talks about an ethical issue that is near an dear to my heart - frozen embryos.  I have 4 from when I was 39 that are in essense, being held hostage by my ex in a lab in California until he finds he has a heart or a judge orders him to relinquish them as he had agreed to when they were created.  As Celine Dion has said of her frozen embryo "This frozen embryo that is in New York is my child waiting to be brought to life." 

Why infertile women have different reproductive "right to choose" after conception is something I will never understand.  In what other circumstance, after conception, does a man get to choose what happens to the life he helped create?  No where.  No woman 3 days after conception would be forced to take a morning after pill.  Apparently as an infertile, our 'right to choose' starts after implantation - at least according to current case law.  But I digress  .  .  .

Everything Conceivable is for anyone that wants to know how the infertility business works behind the scenes and how it is truly changing our world.  The Fertility Hope pendant and my company Life Medals Message Jewelry was inspired by my struggle and this book gave me a whole new appreciation and understanding of the world I have joined.

Posted by Infertility Warrior at 11:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)